Mission "Bank Robbery"

[Blogger's choice #1: Submitted by Emily]

I've worked at Ole County Bank for 20 years. A long time, especally with the tedious task of helping people who don't seem to really want your help--they just want the money. Nothing eventful really happened, until December 2nd, 2009.

It started a typical day. I woke up, put on my slacks and shoes, and drove to work. Out of nowhere, men dressed up like mascots from several different [cereals] busted in.

"GIVE ME ALL THE MONEY!" Captain Crunch shouted.

I shook my head; there wasn't any way I was going to give them the money I'd worked for 20 years to protect.

"We're trying to steal yee cash!" Lucky, the Lucky Charms elf chimed in.

"That’s grrrrreat!" Tony added.

"I will not give you the money," I added calmy--well, as calmly as I could.

"Money's not just for the bank!" the Trix rabbit chimed.

I was confused; it was apparent they weren't armed and this was, quite frankly, ridiculous. "No," I said again, truthfully getting a little bored. The mascots were quite perplexed, and they left. I watched them all pile into a white van and drive away.

Kids, now you know who drives the white vans.

[Blogger's choice #2: Submitted by Teagan McShane]

Mr. Sanders, how exactly did you rob the bank?...

God, was it an awful day to do it. My partner didn't think of that, you see. It was Christmas Eve and we thought, "How bout we just go rob a bank? It's Christmas Eve, everybody will be in their houses, waiting for Santie Claus to come around town, ya know?" But Paul did not think, what if a single man, make that a single old man, were still in that bank where we was robbing? He didn't think of that and that is why he is now dead.

Well on that night Paul and I arrived at the bank around midnight. As I told you earlier, I did not know that there was a man in the bank, so shooting the glass at the front of the bank and accidentally killing that man was not my fault. Well anyways, the man was counting money, thankfully for Paul and me. But Paul and I started fighting and the alarms were giving me a headache, and I was getting real pissed off because I did not want to be there when the cops arrived, and I knew they were not gonna take that long, because they were on call. And that's when I shot Paul right in the forehead and left.

[Blogger's choice #3 (Bonus joke!)]

First thing one Monday morning, a robber broke into the bank, and pointed his guns at the cashier said, “Give me all your money, or you'll be GEOGRAPHY!'”

The cashier laughed and said, “You mean to say 'HISTORY.'”

The robber answered, “Don't change the subject.”